1. The therapist will take sides.
An Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist is trained to recognize how both partners contribute to their dance of anger or disconnection.
2. The therapist will tell us we should break up.
The role of an EFT Therapist is to help couples understand how their relationship has gone wrong and to guide them – for as long as they are willing to try – in how to repair it.
3. We are too far gone; the situation is hopeless.
Even long-standing problems can be resolved with EFT therapy. The only clear sign that EFT therapy won’t help is if one or both partners have become so disengaged they are no longer willing to try.
4. Talking about our problems will make things worse.
Many couples have experienced that their own attempts to talk about their problems have made things worse, so this concern is understandable. An EFT Therapist is trained to create a safe space where problems can be discussed productively, opening the door to healing and reconciliation.
5. Couples therapy is a waste of time and does not work.
Many therapists who see couples aren’t trained in an effective model of couples therapy and research has shown there is significant risk that these therapists will not be helpful. A therapist trained in EFT is guided by a roadmap that has years of research demonstrating its effectiveness in helping distressed couples, even years after therapy has ended.
6. We need individual therapy first.
A growing body of evidence suggests that successful couples therapy can actually reduce an individual’s symptoms of depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress, and other psychological disorders. At the very least, a stronger, more supportive relationship will reduce the suffering both partners experience when one is struggling with a psychological disorder. Couples therapy may not be the only treatment needed when a partner has significant psychological symptoms, but when the relationship has suffered, it is often the best place to start. This helps partners to join hands in working together on the challenges they are facing individually.
What Can We Expect in Therapy?
Dr. Sue Johnson often says that people tend to be down to a “community of two.” We depend on our partners more than ever before in history. This is why I have chosen to specialize in couples therapy. Healthy, happy couples often make for healthy, happy families and even communities. My personal and professional experiences have shown me the power that a positive emotional connection with a partner can have on healing and well being. We all need to feel safe, accepted and important to at least one other person.
EFT can be the answer to saving or improving your relationship. It provides a map, which helps the therapist to identify where you are getting stuck and how to move forward. We all have negative patterns that get repeated regardless of the topic of the argument. Perhaps, for example, one of you wishes to talk it out and the other one doesn’t want to go there. Regardless of the pattern, I can help you to identify the obstacles and move into a deeper conversation with the goal of achieving more intimacy and emotional closeness. Once we learn how to talk to each other, it no longer really matters what we talk about. Couples are able to face all kinds of “challenges” once they feel that they are on the same team!
Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples Works
The three of us will meet for one session initially to get to know one another and a little bit about what brings you to therapy. Then, the therapist will meet with each of you individually the following week. Next, the three of us will meet together again the third week. The therapist will provide feedback and we will discuss whether or not couples counselling is the best option for you at this time. If it is, we will go over a plan for our ongoing work together and what else you can expect.
We Need One Another
Couples Therapy: Myths and Realities (www.ruthjampolphd.com blog)
New life, growth, strength & peace ... for your couple bond.
Amanda Green is conveniently located in Kitchener (Chicopee area), Ontario within 15 minutes of Waterloo, Cambridge and Guelph.